daily routine - sadness

Yesterday, my mother gave me an advice that is very meaningful. She told me that life is infact just a very short period of time whereby it will end sooner than you even realize. After its over, everything will come to an end! Nobody knows whether there really has reincarnation or heaven etc... what if it don't, than everything about you and your life will just vanished from existence in this world and full-stop!

So why are we so persistant in getting the best in life over fame, money or status etc.? To get a better life is to get more money so that you can buy all kinds of thing you ever wanted? Is this really making the summary of your life happier?

Life is all about getting happier everyday isn't it?
But my life, i just cannot feel happy about it! Yes i have a bad temper, weird character, still i think to the least my heart is kind! I just don't like to show my weakness and kindness out can i? If somebody really care to put in more effort to understand me, that person will know that all the mean things i say don't mean amything afterall. I seriously love my dog i swear, but when you say that i am not responsible, not taking care of them and so on... have you spare me a thought? Do you know how much i miss them? Do you know how worry i am over the things you mentioned that they put all sorts of things into their mouth when we are not around? Seriously, i am so much younger than my elder sister and my mom has always reminding me of that she will not be here for too long, she is old. Do you know how heartache it is to hear that but still have to pretend that it does not mean anything?

Before we bought the dogs, i already told you that we will for sure quarrel regarding them no matter what the reason is. Although i admit that the situation now is worse than what i thought it will be. Please don't make it sound like i was the only one who wants to own dogs. You wanted them too though you only want one but there really isn't much difference between one and two i can guarantee that. There's no space for negotiation here and there and i am stuck in between both side that i equally love. I love my dogs and my mom really so so much! The dogs are not behaving correctly because they are not well train and so young still, they need alot of attention i know. But my mom won't allow them to come over my house to stay because my dad hates animals and they will quarrel. What you want me to do? I told my mom that i will stay over your side because they don't allow them to enter my house. Until the day she allow my dogs to come over, than i will come over. I make it so harsh and hurting yet the result is only she get hurt and i get hurt too without anybody realizing.

You really hurt me big time with all the things you do recently! Your career is really pushing me to the corner + you push all the responsibilities of dog's well-being to me (at least you sound that way). Just without a thought, you say that i have been going out late nowadays and neglect the dogs more and more day by day. You wanna think of how bz and tired we both are from work? You wanna think what is coming up soon whereby we have to make preparations for? You mean you really don't see the TRUE reason why we have been out till late these recent weeks? Talk about neglecting the dogs for days. How about neglecting my moms for weeks? Can you spare a thought for me how to neutral both north south pole balance when there's totally no flexibility given to me. I am already suffering and need to relax my mind a little in order to stay happy and find positive solution yet i am also another neglected victim too.. You still have to say things that hurt me? Just ask yourself have you been neglecting me?

Anyway, this passage is not meant to be read by anyone. Its just a diary, or rather my vend anger tool to keep myself happy; to stop quarreling with anyone like my mom whom i just shouted with. If happened you read this, just don't come and question me why i have to write till like this, i don't mean you are not good to me. Your words just hurt me especially when i'm already being squeezed in between. Makes me feel like nobody understand me( you know who you are i am referring to.) thanks alot. :'(